Mel's Shopping Diary
The Pressure
June 10, 2008I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in a while. It’s because I’m STILL writing REVELATIONS. And it comes out in October? Uh. Yeah! There’s so much MAJOR stuff going on and I just want to make sure I get it right, so I’m just sweating out the last hundred pages to make sure it all hangs together.
The other day we had brunch with our favorite TV writer friends, and they were talking about THE PRESSURE of making sure your script is all right. And I thought, oh, that must be really hard. Because I don’t feel that pressure really. And then I thought WHAT THE FRACK AM I TALKING ABOUT? OF COURSE I FEEL PRESSURE. I FEEL SO MUCH PRESSURE I HAVE GAINED TEN POUNDS AND AM BREAKING OUT!
And all the pressure comes from me. You know how when you raise kids, you’re supposed to try and get them to ACHIEVE stuff so that in the end, they’re working hard not to please their parents, but to PLEASE THEMSELVES? So yeah, I guess my parents did a really good job because all the pressure I feel is FROM ME.
The thing is, I reject stress. I think of writing as easy, and la-di-dah, who cares what anyone thinks about my writing, zoom zoom zoom. Not caring what anyone thinks is a great way to function. Because it allows you to be free.
But I forgot that I really care what *I* think.
And the book just isn’t up to MY STANDARDS yet.
Hence the last-minute rewrites. And the hair-pulling. And the sleepless nights.
When I was a club kid, dancing at 6am at the Sound Factory (um yeah, I used to get up at five in the morning to GO CLUBBING. Now that was the WAY TO LIVE, my friends) we use to dance to this song called “THE PRESSURE”. And it had this gospel beat and this hypnotic techno-umsk, umsk, umsk thing and when they put on THE PRESSURE everyone would RUN to the dancefloor and GO WILD. It was really fun. So now this song is the sound track to this book..
(Okaaay. How much do I love the Internet? I have been looking for this song to re-live my clubbing days and here it is: The Pressure by Sounds of Blackness, Junior ("If Madonna Calls") Vasquez remix!!! Yeaaah boyyy!!!)
“My back is against the wall,
more bills than money can pay (sing it, sistah!)
but I know just who to call (Madonna?)
when I gotta fight..
THE PRESSURE, THE PRESSURE, THE PRESSURE of the world…
Umsk, Umsk, Umsk,
THE PRESSURE, THE PRESSURE, THE PRESSURE of the world!”
Wow. That was really fun. For a second there it was 1991 and I was in a wifebeater tanktop with ropes of fake pearls and cutoff shorts and fishnets and Doc Martens dancing in the middle of sweaty club with my gays and we were so young and fabulous and fee-yerce. (By the way I love that fashion line Young, Broke and Fabulous. Says it all!)
You know what else is fun? YOUR POEMS. Oh mah gawd. You guys are beyond awesome. And yes, I will share my juvenellia (spelling?)--I just found my journal from high school. Lots of mawkish poetry. Good times.
And in other news, I just finished LOVE THE ONE YOU’RE WITH by Emily Giffin. I heart Emily Giffin. There is just something about her books that are so great. I think it’s because she really gets you into the mindset of the character. And she just gets so many details right--like how people act and where they shop and how they talk. Good stuff.
On a totally DIFFERENT note I also devoured Elizabeth Scott’s LIVING DEAD GIRL, which was harrowing, wrenching, disturbing and unputdownable. Really dark, awful stuff but written so beautifully. You must read this book also. It comes out in September. I really believe in evil in this world, that it is a real thing you have to watch out for, all the time. My husband says I am neurotic and paranoid, but as they say, Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.
I am the type who RUNS home from the cab to the front door anytime I got home late, or even starts RUNNING down the street even if no one is chasing me. Right now we have this super-maximum burglar alarm that will emit a decibel-blasting SHRIEK if any of our motion-detectors are set off. When I lived in New York I never took the subway at night alone. I had five locks on my door. Now I always valet at the mall because of parking-lot kidnapping. I *ALWAYS* believe the worst is around the corner, and that a happy safe life comes from VIGILANCE. My husband (a confident American who grew up in a family that NEVER LOCKED THEIR DOORS. They DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE KEY IS. I mean, the first time I slept in their house I was convinced axe murderers were coming to get me), anyway, he thinks I live in fear. And you know what? I do. But it’s not a crippling fear. I mean, I fly, I go out at night, I do stuff. But I try to do it in a way that won’t make anyone ever think that I am a target. I believe that bad things happen. And that’s why Elizabeth’s book is so scary. Because very very bad things happen. So you must do everything you can do to make sure they don’t happen to you.
Oh man, sober note to end this blog!
And I was just dancing around to THE PRESSURE and missing my old friends. Anyway, back to work.
xoxo
Mel
On June 10, 2008 at 1:55 pm, Yuki had this to say:
Hey Mia, wat was this movie called?
I have got to watch it. I love horror movies.
Melissa, I totally agree with you. I always run because I think someone is chasing me. It’s not called paranoia, it’s called having a sixth sense. Besides, it’s better to be safe than dead!
On June 10, 2008 at 3:02 pm, Carlee had this to say:
With the standards thing and the fact that you don’t feel like the book isn’t quite up there is exactly the way i feel during school, high school this year started for me with nothing but essay writing, and i never felt that any of my essays are good enough, but eventually you look over your pieces of writing, take a sigh and fall back in your chair. Because after all that stress and pressure to make it meet your standards you feel like it has not only met your standards but in a way sort of surpassed them!
And that feeling just makes that whole crappy day full of stress (and what ever drama you may have encounter) just fade away! I just love it!
On June 10, 2008 at 4:16 pm, Kate had this to say:
I know what you mean. I am always hearing things outside of my house. My friends just laugh and dismiss my worries, but I still believe it’s better to be safe than sorry! I can’t wait till the next book comes out!
On June 10, 2008 at 5:47 pm, Brooks had this to say:
Breath!! it’s good you working on your standards!!!!!
On June 10, 2008 at 9:13 pm, anna had this to say:
1 of my girlfriends is such a pain in the damn arse.
a guy we met told me he thought I was really cute then he kept calling to check up on me then he kept asking me out.
with all these signs wouldn’t you think he liked me? all my other girlfriends did. that’s what I thought but my 1 friend told me I was paranoid. long story short, me and this girlfriend of mine are NO LONGER speaking to each other.
i apologize for this long comment that is not even a comment. i just needed to let it all out since I don’t have a girlfriend to talk to anymore.
mrs. Johnston, i am looking forward to all the books you have mentioned. thank you.
On June 10, 2008 at 11:33 pm, Natalie had this to say:
ha ha I have the same problem. I used to never even open my windows (as in, not even the shades lol). Now i’m a lot more like you are. I don’t go places alone at night, lock my doors anytime (even when i’m in my apartment), that kind of thing. But hey, us paranoid gals usually stay alive lol.
On June 11, 2008 at 7:40 am, Elyse had this to say:
An American crime i think is the name of the movie
On June 11, 2008 at 9:31 am, Caitlyn had this to say:
wow i think im gonna go look tht song up! I’m really paranoid too. lmsvo!! 
On June 11, 2008 at 1:31 pm, Kait had this to say:
Ohmigod i totaly know the feeling of like thinking someone is like watching you but in reality theres no one there but you
i’m totaly the type of person who will run wup the stairs cuz i think something is gunna grab me and like drag me back down the stairs
On June 15, 2008 at 9:21 pm, Natalie had this to say:
i’m totaly the type of person who will run wup the stairs cuz i think something is gunna grab me and like drag me back down the stairs
^^^that made me laugh, Kait, because i kind of know what you mean (in a not-so “pulls me down the stairs” type of way) lol
On June 17, 2008 at 10:08 am, Betsy had this to say:
I totally know what y’all mean. I run up the stairs in my house because I’m afraid for being pulled back down them. I’m a wimp. A run-up-the-stairs, sleep-under-the-covers, and turn-all-the-lights-on wimp.....but I love horror movies… go figure.
Oh and i just finished reading this really good romance series called the Black Dagger Brotherhood omg! It’s so great but not for the faint of heart.
On June 19, 2008 at 1:00 pm, Whitney Phillips had this to say:
Oh my gosh I am paranoid when I am going up the stairs! Haha it’s so funny. I always feel like someone is chasing me up the stairs so I always run up them! Also, I am soo excited for Revelations! I just loved Bluebloods and Masquerade!
On June 26, 2008 at 7:31 pm, hannah had this to say:
AHHH i totally understand
pressure is no fun !!!!
so to help through all the internet and such and all the other things that makes us far away i am with my mind powers(hehe...)am taking some of ur pressure and using it b/c im free of all pressure so i will take some of urs [:-)] i just made that up but in my mind i took some of urs so u can breath!!! and calm down a little!
- dont FREAK OUT
On June 27, 2008 at 6:33 pm, Catie had this to say:
Lol. Whenever I turn all the lights off and am heading out of the basement(where the computer is) I have to sprint(for my life!!) I guess it’s simply bad habit and too many horror movies(and Goosebumps, which I ADORED in elementary school) Where I live isn’t even all that scary. Last time someone was murdered in our town was at a school shooting that took place at my CURRENT school. Even though it happened like 10 years ago yet another reason to be paranoid. Lol. I HIGHLY recommend A Great and Terrible Beauty. Sooo complex and I found it creepy. The third and last book in the series had me gnawing my nails off. Anyways good luck finishing Revelations. Umsk Umsk Umsk. Great now that’s in my head!
On June 28, 2008 at 5:45 pm, Kait had this to say:
lol
yea i’ve tried not to run up the stairs so much cuz i know that i do it but i’m so freaked out
its like wow what a lil kind i’m being
On June 30, 2008 at 1:46 pm, morena had this to say:
OMG! take ur time… but not that much cuz i totally cant wait until Revelations comes out! i am so bored trying to find something to read in the meantime i cant find any good vampire books because NONE are out there! so i totally cant wait until you finish and i’m so happy it’s coming out in october (that’s the same month as my b-day!) cant wait to see Revelations in stores! love ya! <3 morena!
On July 20, 2008 at 2:52 am, Jane had this to say:
Hey Melissa !
I love your books The au Pair! and I wanted to know if an other one going to be publisched ? I wanted to ask you if you had the intention to make a film on these books ? I am sure that it would be great !
Sorry for my english but i am french :D
On June 10, 2008 at 9:33 am, Mia had this to say:
OMG. I kno exactly what ur talking about. There was this movie with Ellen Paige, and she was the daughter of some people who worked at a carnival. n e way, they gave the child to this psycho-woman who they thought was totally normal, but it turns out she’s awful to her, and she cuts words into her stomach, and tortures her, and shoves beer bottles in places that aren’t so nice. Scary part (I know, the whole thing was scary, but this was scarier) was that it was based on a true story. I, like, wet my pants just because of that.