Yearly Archives: 2008

The Samplers are in the Mail, Finally!

Phew! The last two days have turned my mom’s house into a full-on mailing center. I didn’t realize when I decided to run this poetry contest it would entail so much…excel spreadsheets, mail merge, labeling, stuffing and dragging everything to the post office where everything had to be stamped BY HAND. But it’s all good, thanks to my little brother (Thanks Chit!!) who was the mastermind of the whole operation (suffice to say I’m no organizational genius), especially since when I said we’d ship internationally, I meant it, and we were so thrilled to see so many of my readers from Dubai, Ireland, Scotland, Singapore, Argentina, France, Australia and New Zealand enter the contest! And all the Americans too—it’s amazing to see where you guys are from, to think that people are reading the books in places I have never been, touches me to no end.

Turned out we had about a hundred extra samplers, so everyone who emailed their address also received a sampler. (Even some of the late stragglers). And we still have thirty samplers left, that’s it, no more after that, so the first thirty people who email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) with their mailing address will also receive a sampler.

So look for the packages in your in-box soon. I also autographed all the samplers. My signature might look wobbly in some of the books since I got a little hand-cramp but have no doubt that I personally signed each one.

The beach was nooooice and we go back this weekend and then spending the rest of August in the beach house. I’m reading my new BFF, Jen Lancaster, who wrote Bitter is the New Black; Bright Lights, Big Ass; and Such a Pretty Fat. She’s heeeelarious and good company by the pool. Her first book is about how she dealt with the crash of 2001, when everyone was laid off, including her and her husband, and how they had to go from their dot-com money loft to being evicted from a ghetto apartment. I could totally relate to her story because Mike and I also had a hard 2001, when we were both laid off from jobs that year, and it was so hard to be suddenly struggling after being “thousandaires” as Jen calls it.

We never had a dot-com loft, but I did have a cushy job at Morgan Stanley during the boom, and when that ended it was really really difficult but it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Sure, it’s stressful and a downer not to be able to shop, and to feel like you’re on the downside of the fabled American dream, but what I remember most from that time is the solidarity with our friends, many of whom were going through the same thing, all of us on unemployment checks, and how we would all just laugh about it over drinks at seedy bars in the East Village, looking for the cheapest sushi places available, and really… just laughing through the gloom. Because really awful things happened that year too, and losing your job (I think between Mike and I we were laid off from seven jobs that year – we were always lucky enough to get another one, but then that company would fold too, or projects wouldn’t happen) didn’t matter so much since we still had each other, our families, our friends, which is really what counts in life, right? Birkin bags are just icing.

I also bought the new Laurie Notaro book, and Chelsea Handler’s first book, My Horizontal Life. It’s all about funny ladies this August.

xoxo
Mel

Interview about Crazy Hot

I did an interview with the enchanting Lisa of Enchanting Reviews.

I turned in my book and we are off to the beach. Happy weekend!

xoxo
Mel

I kissed a girl…

And I liked it!
Taste of her cherry chapstick…
I kissed a girl just to try it!
Hope my boyfriend don’t mind it…

This song is stuck in my head, and you can imagine me driving my Mercedes SUV (yeah shut up, my commute is within my own house from bed to desk and I fill up the tank like, once a month!) singing this song at the top of my lungs. And then when I meet up with my girlfriends (all of us now daaangerously in the Sex and the City age. Which is we are all in our thirties. How did this happen??? It is just WRONG) anyway when we get together, we sing this song to each other in high-pitched voices and squeallll…

Yes, that is how much fun hanging out with me can be…

I am forever thirteen, although it’s SO much more fun to be thirteen going on thirty than my real thirteenth year. See prior post: K-mart togs. Need I say more.

Although lately I am FUGLY. Ugh. Which means it is book deadline time. Does anyone still read Piers Anthony? Remember how Chameleon would go from gorgeous and stupid to smart and ugly? And she was best when she was moderately pretty and reasonably smart? I’m kind of in the smart and ugly phase as I’m trying desperately to finish my book so I can go on vacaaation.

My dad says because I work from home my life is a vacation. Which is sort of true. But even if one works for themselves like Mike and I do, we still need vacations once in a while. And once you work for yourself you never stop working anyway…

Speaking of, I should go back to work. Think: beach house, beach house, beach house. If I turn in the book on Thursday we can go to our beach house on Friday.

It felt so wrong,
It felt so right,
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight….

I KISSED A GIRL!

You should too. Just to try it. 🙂

xoxo
Mel

PS- I know, I know, sneak peeks have not yet gone out. I have not yet gotten the greenlight from my publisher. Also, the cover that’s been released on Amazon is not the final one. We’re still tweaking it although it is VERY close to the final one. As for the sneak-peeks. Patience my friends. Just like that old G&R song says. Paaaayyyyytienceeeee….

Happy Birthday to the Ashleys: Birthday Vicious out today!

Uh-huh, uh-huh, that’s right.

The Ashleys: BIRTHDAY VICIOUS, book three in my social-climbing seventh-graders series, is out today!

Order yours here from B&N or Amazon!

You’ll notice we have a spanking new redesign of the cover package – the Ashleys are now in technicolor! And swirly patterns. Noice.

I had a lot of fun writing this one, about Ashley Spencer’s INSANE Super-Sweet Thirteen birthdaganza…. when I was a kid, birthdays were HUGE, HUGE, HUGE deals in my family… there were clowns, amusement park rides (I still remember feeling dizzy from the spinning thing), magicians, catering, hundreds of guests… then we moved to America and it all ended since we were now poor immigrants. I remember for my fourteenth birthday I got a $50 shopping spree to K-MART!!! Oy, how the mighty fall… I still remember what I bought too: two plaid skirts and two blouses from the Jacyln Smith collection. Ouch!! Does anyone understand now why I must have a Birkin?? To assuage all those bad-fashion memories.

MY birthday’s coming up soon…what are you all getting me??? A fabulous surprise party with tons of celebrity guests?? A Birkin in an orange box the size of a car??? My favorite birthday girl is Edina from Absolutely Fabulous. Here she is, on receiving a pair of earrings from her daughter, Saffie on her birthday.

Eddie: Oh, sweetie, sweetie… Oooh, sweetie, darling… Darling, they’re gorgeous.
Saffron: I’m glad you like them.
Eddie: I mean, Lacroix, darling… They ARE Lacroix, aren’t they, darling? They’re not just something you put in the box, are they, sweetie?
Saffron: Do you like them or not?
Eddie: I like them if they’re Lacroix.

THAT’S RIGHT: I LIKE THEM IF THEY’RE LACROIX! SAY IT WITH ME, DARLINGS!

Anyway, hope all YOUR birthday wishes come true.

xoxo
Mel

Getcher Addresses In, The Importance of Guacamole

Hey kids,

So about two-thirds of you poetry entrants have sent in your addresses so we can send over chapter samplers, lipglosses, etc. But fully one-third of you have not! One hundred poets have not sent in their addresses! If you wrote a poem for the contest and received an email from me asking for your address, please send your mailing address to me ASAP. The deadline for sending in your address is FRIDAY, AUGUST 8TH.

Also: I have 35 extra chapter samplers! If you would like one, just email me at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), subject line: EXTRA SAMPLER PLEASE! and include your mailing address. Anyone who would like one should email me by AUGUST 8TH also.

Why August 8th? Because my fulfillment center (ie, little brother) is going back to New York the week after that, and after he leaves, it’s going to be slow as molasses getting these mailers out. So I’m jus’ sayin…

I had a bit of a sick-cation, as both me and Mike caught the kid’s stomach bug. So I spent the week holed up in bed watching Living Lohan, Denise Richards ‘It’s Complicated!!!’, Flipping Out, and Date my Ex: Jo and Slade. Good times. Living Lohan is kind of like watching a car wreck slowly… although I hate to be too mean because really, what do you expect? But I like Ali’s new single (I had to go allllll arounddddd agaaaaiiinnn…) and I think she’s really cute and if Ashlee Simpson is a star then I can’t see why Ali can’t be one. I liked the Denise Richards show, although it somehow reminded me of Kathy Griffin’s show, except not funny. Still, I kind of dug the white-trash pride she displayed. And I’m OBSESSED with Flipping Out.

Do you watch this show? It has this perfect-looking well-groomed super-OCD real estate guy and he berates his assistant in one episode because the assistant has forgotten something VERY important for his lunch:

“We ALWAYS get GUACAMOLE when we go to El Pollo Loco”.

Say it with an eye roll and an eyebrow raise.

And say El Pollo Loco as if you are saying “Le Bernardin”.

That guy is HILARIOUS! 

So now all week I’ve been saying to Mike, “We allllwayss get guah-camole when we go to Elll Poyo Low-co!”

I have forced the husband to watch my shows with me while he’s sick too. That’s what you get when you don’t program YOUR shows into the DVR. And really, we have watched all those episodes of Voyager way too many times.

What else? Oh the Jo and Slade show. I also got mildly obsessed with the Real Housewives of the O.C. show because it was just a window into what a different family is like. And what different values are like. I always knew (even when I complained about them in my super-secret diary) that I was really lucky because my family is very functional: supportive, smart, funny, close. I mean, we have our problems, like everyone else, and we’re not perfect (even though we were constantly accused of being so, especially when my brother was 8th grade valedictorian and his so-called “friends” egged our house graduation night. I mean, HONESTLY) but the people on that show are just…I mean, the boob jobs, the mom-holding-on-to-her-twenties-as-hard-as-she-can… My mom was a supercalifashionista and always looks fabulous, but she stressed education and academic achievement above everything, but not in the super-pressure-Asian-cooker household-way either, where the nerdy Asian kids offed themselves if they didn’t get A’s. We were never like that. We only got beaten when we got B’s. SNARF!! What I mean to say is: in my family, we learned to want to succeed for our own sakes, and not to please our parents. And I’m probably the nerdiest kid in my family. I came to my social graces way late. My sister can WORK a room man, and my brother enters every party with his hands up in the air, to celebrate that he has ARRIVED.

Anyway, that was a big tangent from what I really wanted to blog about: Slade’s LA hipster wardrobe. On the Real Housewives show, he was this regular real estate guy, just wearing suburban-dad clothes. But now on this show, he’s morphed into the actor-moron-wardrobe. The one with the wool newsboy caps and the studded t-shirts and the five o’clock shadow. What is this look??? Why do all these cheesy Hollywood guys adopt it??? It’s soooo puke-alicious. They all look like wannabe Brad Pitts…who BARELY gets away with it. I guess they all want to look like celebrities? Like it’s the male celebrity “uniform” even? Sigh. I guess. I understand about the uniform. I had to wear the fashion uniform when I was a fashion editor. (But hey, it’s a good one.) The LA one is just…I think the male celeb outfit takes ten points off your I.Q.

In other fun news: First pass proofs of THE ASHLEYS: LIPGLOSS JUNGLE came in! Yay! And I’m almost done with the first draft of GIRL STAYS IN THE PICTURE. And working on all this fun new stuff I can’t wait to share…

Have a great weekend everyone. And get those addresses in!!!

xoxo
Mel

A Comment on Comments or How Spammers Ruin it for Everyone

Hey all,

I hope this post is able to stick. I’m having a bit of techie trouble on the site. My admin told me that we were getting a bunch of wildly inappropriate (read x-rated) spam on the site’s comments EEEEK!!!! and that unless I have a 24-7 monitor, even with the security in the comments section, it can’t guarantee that it won’t happen again. So comments are donzo. Sigh. And apparently we’ve lost comments on the most recent posts. Arrggh. I did so enjoy hearing from everyone and especially the raging controversy over Jerry’s poem. 😉 You can still email me at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) read and respond to all the emails!

xoxo
Mel

Sick Kid

Disneyland was great, but exhausting. Am I becoming a one-note mom? I find everything about motherhood exhausting except for those magical awesome moments when you play with your child and she laughs and it’s just… it’s awesome. I once read a study that said the most grueling boring chores of life is childcare, but the most magical, transcendent moments in life are with your child… So as hard as it is, it’s also the most wonderful thing in the world.

And the scariest thing in the world is when you have a sick kid, like we did the morning we were leaving the Happiest Place on Earth. Suffice to say, we were covered in puke from 8AM until 4PM, when we got her in a proper hospital. I’m usually a pretty even-keeled mom, I don’t really panic too much and try not to over-react and be over-protective, I have two nephews, so I’ve kind of seen a lot with my sister’s kids and know not to panic. But when the kid started vomiting Exorcist-style and didn’t stop…well, PANIC BUTTON was pushed and we zoomed into the nearest ER.

We were in a not-so-nice part of town and when we first entered the hospital we were like, Omigod, where are we, Iraq??? It was really the dirtiest, most neglected and saddest hospital ER’s we’ve ever seen. Part of us wanted to zoom back to our regular hospital but the other part was really worried about the kid and figured, okay, so the hospital doesn’t look that great, but maybe it’s better if SOMEONE sees her now. The hospital was one of those “community” hospitals where they have to take people in even when they don’t have insurance.

We stayed there for a few hours while they took Mattie’s vital signs and gave her some medicine that would help the vomiting. But then they started saying they wanted to do blood work, x-rays and put a catheter on the kid… and Mike’s and my warning bells just started lighting up… by that point the kid hadn’t vomited in two hours, and we asked if it was okay if we took Mattie to our regular hospital if they were going to do all this work on her, we’d just feel more comfortable if they did it in our regular hospital..(also we did not want to end up in the news as another TRAGIC HOSPITAL story. you know? it looked like that kind of place.)

The nurses were all very nice and told us that was fine with them and we zoomed back to the comfy, hotel-like confines of our regular hospital, which is one of the nicest and most acclaimed hospitals in the world (Huntington Memorial in Pasadena – which looks like a Four Seasons hotel) and the experience was just 100% different. For starters, we saw the attending physician immediately, and Dr. Gregory had a really great bedside manner with the kid, and calmed us all down. (Whereas at the community hospital we never even got to see a doctor for HOURS. Actually we left without a doctor ever seeing us. It was all nurses.) And Dr. Gregory told us there was no need for bloodwork, x-ray or catheter because after talking to us and checking out the kid, he figured it was just a viral infection that went to her tummy and should clear up in a couple of days.

The medicine the community hospital gave Mattie also made her feel better, and the anti-nausea medicine from Huntington also helped, and she was soon running up and down the aisles demanding crackers. And she didn’t throw up at all anymore.

We were just so relieved that she didn’t have to have any of those invasive procedures…and we were also just so horrified at how unequal medical care is in this country. Mike and I pretty much live in this sheltered, comfy bubble, and my dad’s been in and out of Huntington with his surgeries and chemo and we have really really great care… he gets the best drugs and his doctors are so aggressive and great… and we almost take it for granted… it really sickened me how the level of care at the community hospital was so low and awful compared to what we got at the fancy, rich hospital.

It just shouldn’t be like that. This is America right??? There were tons of other really concerned and panicked parents at the community hospital and I just felt ill thinking of how that hospital has to treat their patients—who are CHILDREN. Blood work, x-rays and catheters on a 20 month old who doesn’t need it seems gross to me, when all the kid really needed was a real doctor to treat her symptoms and figure it out. you know???

When I was in school in Manila, our private school would make it a point to expose us to the lesser fortunate parts of the city—we had to visit the slums, the orphanages, and the metal wards—it was part of the school’s philosophy to make their privileged students aware of how privileged they were, and how that wasn’t the case for a lot of people in the world. Our experience at the community hospital was like that—-we saw what it was like for people who didn’t have insurance, and theoretically, we’ve always believed in universal healthcare anyway, but we’ve never really experienced what it would be like if WE ourselves did not have it. It’s scary, people, it’s really scary. I think what made us book out of there was when the crackhead in the next bed (i’m sorry: she really looked like a crackhead though) told us “this is the worst place in the world.” and we looked at each other and said, YEAH, WE’RE OUTTA HERE. Which is not a disserve to the staff—all of whom were so helpful and kind and obviously doing what they can in very, very reduced circumstances…and it looked like the nurses really didn’t want Mattie to have to have all those procedures either, but it was standard procedure with sick kids at that hospital. Isn’t that insane??

Anyway, I’ve go to tend to the sick kid now and try to get my books done and Revelations just came in for third pass edits (which means it’s all set out like the book – it looks gorgeous!!! by the way and my editor says it’s her favorite one yet… so i hope those are all good signs.)

Also -emails have gone out asking for Poetry contest entrants’ addresses – so please send yours in now! And the finalists and top 3 finalists should be contacted by today. I just got the large box from Hyperion with all the chapter samplers, so our fulfillment center (ie, my little brother, who will always be little to me even though he is 29 and just graduated columbia business school and newly engaged to be married—anyway, he’s helping me out this summer while he’s got some free time before he starts his big finance job in nyc) is ready to go.

take care everyone.

xoxo
Mel

Grand Prize Winnahs!!!

And now, here are the overall winners! Dah, dah, dah, dah….

Third Place: A Blue Bloods Story by Caitlin H.

A lot of the poems we received re-told the Blue Bloods story, and I liked this one the best because of the clever rhymes and it had a killer ending as well. Very charming. Congrats Caitlin!

A Blue Bloods Story

Listen New Yorkers, and you will hear:
The story of the Blue Bloods living here.

They go to Duchesne Prep you know,
And in the dark, they even glow.

There’s Mimi, Jack, Schuyler and Bliss:
But there’s no need to worry, unless they give you that Sacred Kiss.

There’s Oliver, Schuyler’s best friend and conduit, but listen:
A conduit has nothing to do with being an electrician.

Mimi and Jack are bonded they say,
But with Schuyler in the picture, there’s going to be hell to pay.

Schuyler is a half-blood, haven’t you heard?
Daughter of Gabrielle and a Red Blood, isn’t that absurd!

Red Bloods, Blue Bloods, Silver Bloods are all the same?
Oh, no, no, no, no, honey, not in this game.

Lets start at Mimi’s party after the ball,
That’s where everything started to fall.

Blue Bloods attended with their fashionista smiles,
While others could only get in after awhile.

Look over there, come on, come quick.
Who’s that guy kissing that Van Alen chick?

Is that Jack Force? What is he doing!
Did Mimi see and is that why she’s stewing?

Back at school we meet a new mate:
Kingsley Martin, who should have no problem getting a date.

After Valentine’s Day things started to crack.
Because of Kingsley and Mimi, and the spells they turned black.

Mimi got caught, oh what a pity.
And a small earthquake rocked New York City.

Now who is to save her, and who is to blame?
A Blood Trial will tell us, and give us the name.

Listen dear people for it is clear:
A battle is coming, and the book of Revelations is near.

-Caitlin H.

Second Place: Blue Bloods Banter by Shaina S.C.

This is a poem I liked very much—the voice is very clever and cool. The imagery is unexpected and very vibrant as well, and I thought it was also very original. Shaina, you got me at the first two stanzas.  Love!!

Blue Bloods Banter

Grab a pair of fangs-
Still sticky from Halloween
And those Batman wings
Stitched to your spleen.

Please, are you kidding me?
Has your head gone soft?
You’d never see a real vamp out like that-
Seriously, just take it off.

Take a good look, Red Blood-
The truth’s in plain sight-
The Blue Bloods are walking
Around in daylight.

We’ve conquered the media,
The billboards, and-by all means-
When we’re not out sucking blood,
We’re wearing your jeans.

We’re strutting our stuff-
Though you’d never suspect it-
But we can’t get enough
Of the limelight tonight.

Can’t you hear your veins
In the moonlight…
Throbbing and throbbing-
We like it-we love it-
So just one little bite?

You can’t make it; can’t fake it-
‘Cause this is how it goes.
So stop playing Batman
And watch us pros.

-Shaina S.C.

And the winner of the poetry contest is Jerry W. with her poem “Revelations”.

Jerry’s poem is inspired by the song “Revolution” by the Beatles. I loved this poem because it made me laugh out loud, is very clever, and reminded me of something I would have done to win a contest. This is VERY me. So Jerry, congrats, (Jerry is a very cute girl btw, I remember her from the Blue Bloods party in New York. Hi Jerry!).

And without further ado, the winning poem:
(Sing in the tune of “Revolution” by the Beatles)

You say you’re giving away “Revelations”
Well you know
We all want to get sneak peeks
You tell me that it’s based on innovation
Well you know
We all want to get sneak peeks
But when you talk about competition
Don’t you know you can count me in
Don’t you know it’s gonna be alright
Alright Alright

You say there’s only one solution
Well you know
You can always photocopy more and mail it to everyone (MDLC: I did think about that Jerry!)
You ask me for a contribution
Well you know
We’re all sending you the best we can
But when you tell us to give as much as we desire
All I can tell you is sister you’re lighting our fire
Don’t you know it’s gonna be alright
Alright Alright

You say there’s only one grand prize winner
Well you know
we all want to convince your mind
You tell me I need to use my imagination
Well you know
I always think outside of the box
But if we go around boasting and playing foul
We ain’t going to make it with Mel-DLC anyhow
Don’t you know know it’s gonna be alright
Alright Alright

-Jerry Wang

Well, all right!! Thanks Jerry, thanks Caitlin, thanks Shaina, and thanks to everyone who sent in a poem, or is just enjoying reading these poems on the blog.

I write the books to please myself first and foremost, but I’m so glad you all like them too…

Q: Mel, you just ran an awesome poetry contest, what are you going to do now????

A: I’M GOING TO DISNEYLAND!!!! BOOYAH!!!!!

Everyone don mouse ears and sing the Em-Eye-See song. See you when I get back. It just occurred to me that since I write these Blue Bloods books for Hyperion (which is owned by Disney) I am actually a Disney employee in a sense. So in a way, I’m going home!

xoxo
Mel

Top Poems (General)

Here are some poems that don’t fit any category, which I liked a lot since they took an unexpected POV or structure.

I liked the imagery in this poem, especially in the last line, just seemed very cool in a vampire-y sort of way. Nice.

Silver, Blue & Red

Wet Diamond drops
Sparkling on the floor
Shinning silver
In the sunlight

Scented flowers
In the wind
Glowing blue
With moonlight

Pearls of love
Scented with Roses
Drops of Red
Coming through.

-Joanna F.

The writer says this poem is in the voice of a Red Blood who’s about to receive the Sacred Kiss. Very cool. I have a soft spot for poems about clubbing and the nightlife, so this appealed to me very much.

Time to Party

Party’s jumpin’
Music’s thumpin’
Time to go wild.

‘Cause the moon’s replaced the sun
We’re gonna have some fun!
Time to freak out.

At Block 112, now we’re dancin’
Bitches are prancin’
Time to get down.

Boys dance over
“Gotta have ‘er”
Time to show off.

We start kissin’
But something’s missin’
Time for more.

He starts bitin’
So excitin’
Time for blood.

Best BF ever
Smart sweet and clever
Time for love.

-Ashleigh H.

The writer of the following poem submitted a bunch that I liked very much. I liked this one the most because of the title and the last line, which I find just so cool.

Ridiculous

The cruel joke of it
Impeccably dressed blood fiends?
They can’t just be privileged;
Establishing new species,
Is okay, too…

-Amanda M.

This one was a clever one, and it’s hard to do these poems without forcing some of the lines, but this one reads well and works in the structure. Nice.

Blood veins tell of the past
Love unexpected
Unity of a twin bond
Eternal life

Brutal death of a fellow classmate
Lucifer’s downfall
Occult evil lurking
Odd prophecy set upon Schuyler Van Allen
Duchesne Academy for the wealthy and privileged
Sunset years a danger for Silver Bloods approach.

-Kaitlin J.

The writer of this poem wrote that the poem was no way an insult to the book or to me, but she just wanted to examine the flipside of the Blue Bloods’ world. Catharine, no worries at all! I liked the poem a lot because it deals with the subtext of my book…how things are not as they seem. 

Mirror Image

Welcome to Duchesne, school for the privileged
(Playground for snobs.)

Meet our students, leaders of tomorrow
(Self-centered, apathetic, pleasure-seeking adolescents.)

Examine our values and morals
(Prestige, exclusiveness, wealth.)

The things that matter most: dedication, loyalty, pride
(Prada, Marc Jacobs, Dolce & Gabbana.)

We are the Blue Bloods, ancient and all-knowing
(Doomed and delusional.)

We pride ourselves on our dedication to the best for humanity
(Lest humanity best us.)

-Catharine K.

This one is about the hardcover edition of Blue Bloods and is apparently dedicated to me. 🙂  I liked this one a lot because of its originality, and hey, I have a bit of Mimi in me. Flattery gets you everywhere.

Lost

The markings
On her neck
Caught my eyes

The letters
On the cover
Made me unlock
The pages

Inside
Called me to read
And I fell
Into another world

Loosing myself
Happily.

-Saba H.

Awwww. Very cool! Next up: The Top Three Poems!!!

xoxo
Mel

PS- We are just starting to send out emails asking everyone for their addresses. Be patient, you will all be contacted! 🙂

Top Funny Poems

A lot of the poems we received were very funny and clever, and I really want to thank you all for making me laugh and bringing me hours of entertainment. It was really, really hard to choose. I chose these poems because they really captured my sense of humor.

The last line of this poem always makes me cackle!

School of the Beautiful

“OH EM GEE,
look at me.”
It’s Mimi!

Holy cow,
She looks just…wow!
Sky’s gone from goth to KAPOW!

“No really ya’ll,
it’s just a little modeling call!”
Oh Bliss is such a doll!

Oh dear God,
look at his bod.
Ooh Jack, give me the nod!

Silly Red Bloods,
good looks are for immortals!

-Jen C.

Limericks are fab, and I thought this one was fun:

Jack, A Limerick

There once was a hot vampire named Jack,
With a jealous sister who always had his back.
Until he fell in love with another girl
Which made Mimi hurl.
The poor, hot, handsome vampire named Jack.

-Jaclyn G.

The first and last lines of this poem always makes me laugh. Since it came in untitled I have a suggested title: Jack’s Dilemma.

Jack’s Dilemma

Let’s face it, that whole “your mom’s so hot” joke is overplayed
But Gabrielle is my soul’s light in ways that cannot fade.

Yet her daughter Schuyler has a hold that could lead me far astray
If only I weren’t so freaked by what my twin Mimi would say.

I know I’m hurting my destined mate as I close her from my mind
But I’m protecting her from images of Schuyler she would find.

Do I embrace Death and Destruction though my fate may (literally) bite?
Or turn my back to all I know and go into the Light?

Two amazing girls to choose from but I don’t know who.
I know I sound a spoiled brat but what’s a guy to do?

-Kasi H.

I particularly loved all the poems about Mimi’s vanity and bitchiness. They were hilarious! I think I liked this one the most because of the last line. It just says it all…

You All Wish You Were Me-Me

Queen of New York, she has it all
Had the hottest date for the 400 Ball.

Rules the place known as Duchesne School,
She can make even Schuyler’s rags look cool.

Can get any guy she wants, though she only wants one
Still she leads them on, just for fun.

If someone were to claim her other half,
They’d suffer the impending doom of her wrath.

Schuyler’s had her eyes on Jack and now she’s moving in—
Though she might try, she’ll never win.

Her closet boasts labels from Gucci to Chanel,
Get on her wrong side and she’ll make your life a living hell.

Wherever she goes is the place to be,
I’d be jealous of her, except she’s ME!

-Theresoniyus

You guys really are the best!!! More poems to come….including the grand prize winnahs!
xoxo
Mel