And not just because it’s Skank-O-Ween. Remember, say NO to Skankoween. I just can’t think of anything LAMER than needing Halloween as an excuse to dress sexily.

People, we must dress sexy all the time!

Especially when we are young!

I think Nora Ephron said it best–Put a bikini on this minute! And don’t take it off until you’re thirty-four!

When I was nineteen, I used to wear a tiny Victoria’s secret corset, even tinier Daisy Dukes, fishnets and Doc Martens. TO GO SHOPPING.

It only occurred to me that this was a rather revealing outfit and could possibly be considered slutty when I happened upon the photos a few weeks ago.

I never needed an excuse to dress this way. AND NEITHER DO YOU!

All my friends dressed the way I did–in fact, in the early 90s all our tops came from Victoria’s Secret. (The tighter and the sexier the better.) And I have to add, we were good girls. We went to Columbia. We were from nice families. And we didn’t sleep around. (But even if we did–SO WHAT?) We just liked to dress provocatively because it was fun, and we were young and pretty and we felt confident in our bodies and…mainly it was just FUN.

I think we were also very innocent.

Mostly because we hung out with a bunch of fabulous gay guys and the point really wasn’t about sex at all–but how fun it was to be young and beautiful and fit into a gorgeous corset and show off our legs.

And when straight guys took it the wrong way–I remember this one guy, at a party, totally checking me out in my tiny corset and jean shorts, and he was one of the campus hotties, and he had come to my party, and I was kind of into him sort of but not really, but then he got this LOOK in his eye, like he KNEW what kind of girl I was because of how I dressed, and I just felt…REPULSED.

He didn’t get it at all.

Or maybe I didn’t get it at all.

And that was the first time I realized that some people might make assumptions about me from my tiny outfit that was totally off-base.

But–whatever!

I was at the gym yesterday and watched some morning talk show about how this "Freak Dancing" that all the kids are doing today is freaking out all these parents and school administrators so much that one principal at a high school has CANCELED all the school dances, including Homecoming and the Prom for fear of the kids getting their freak on.

And I was like, Oh my god. It really IS time for a new Footloose movie!

Can you believe that DANCING is still freaking out the fuddy-duddies?

The hosts of the show were saying in super-shocked tones, "This ‘freak dancing’–it’s just SIMULATED SEX isn’t it?"

Um, when has dancing NOT been simulated sex??? Elvis could only be broadcast from the waist UP because back then the censors thought his hip-shaking was way too provocative.

Then the principal said "The kids are really PUSHING IT!"

Hello, isn’t that what teenagers are supposed to do??? PUSH IT??? GET UNDER THE ADULTS’ NOSES??? ANNOY OLD PEOPLE WITH HOW YOUNG AND SEXY AND HOT THEY ARE??? THAT’S WHY THEY’RE CALLED TEENAGERS.

UGH!

Kevin Bacon, we need you now! So do you think in the new version of Footloose they’re going to freak dance?? I hope so!

When I was a teen, the dance we used to do was called "THE SANDWICH" because it meant that three people would shimmy and writhe against each other, simulating… I dunno… A THREESOME???

It was really fun and I was part of many many sandwiches on the dancefloor.

Anyway.

When I was a kid, and all my friends and I yelled the lyrics to LIKE A VIRGIN, TOUCHED FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME in the back of the station wagon while my mom drove us to the country club, my mom raised an eyebrow and pronounced Madonna,

"BASTOS!"

Which means vulgar in Tagalog.

Then she laughed. She knew we had no idea what we were singing. And that we were innocent kids who knew there was SOMETHING bad and dangerous in the lyrics, which is why we liked them, but that we didn’t really understand WHAT that was.

And mom left it at that. She didn’t get her panties in a huff like Tipper Gore and try to slap parental stickers on all those records. Jeez.

There’s so much hysteria over stupid things in this world.

Freak dancing –it might not be your idea of dancing, it might look vulgar to your eyes. But really…

The kids are all right, people. The kids are all right.

Happy Halloween!

xoxo
Mel