How Much For Your Lost Youth?

I am thirty-seven years old. THIRTY-SEVEN!! It’s been TWENTY years since I was seventeen. SHHHHH!!!

Some of my friends—we have known each other for TWENTY YEARS now. Why am I writing this? Because yesterday, when I was out Christmas shopping, I bought many many pairs of Current/Elliot jeans at Barneys. You know about the Current/Elliot yes? Those old-school type baggy-ish jeans that are all over the fash mags? Well, I have discovered why they are so wonderful. They are based on OLD Levi’s cuts, and made from the same old looms that made all those cool old Levi’s jeans. So they even FEEL the same (like buttah!)

When I was in high school and college, I inherited all my dad’s old Levis. I cut them off at the bottom, and then wore them low at the hips. I had maybe six pairs, and they were FABULOUS. My friends would always borrow them because they really made you look SO thin: and COOL. We wore them to DEATH they were so comfortable and looked so good with our big 3-inch leather belts that we had to find on Canal Street. And we’d also try to find the same kinds at thriftstores.

My dad’s jeans disintegrated a few years after college. (So sad when it happened: but jeans can’t last forever.) And we went on to buy our Sevens, our Citizens, our Ksubis, our Earnest Sewns, our J Brands. But slipping on a pair of the Current/Elliots: I was like: these feel JUST like my old jeans! Omigod!! They even had the same leg (a weird combo of bootcut and skinny that was also not skin tight). SUPER-Flattering. And makes anyone look like a skinny college hipster. Even moms like me. I bought five!

They’re made by stylists who put together the old ones from old Levis jeans and bought that factory that used to produce the old cuts. Is this legal? Who cares? And if they are $200 a pop, who cares as well? I’d pay ANYTHING to wear those jeans again.

But: if you are a teen: please, DO NOT spend this much on jeans. It is not worth it for you. Because you people look good IN ANYTHING. I can’t shop at thriftstores anymore. I need rigging and good seams and construction to make me look good these days. But when you’re young and hot you can wear anything because you fit into everything. So: go to the thriftstores. Don’t go to Barneys. Don’t pay this much money for jeans. Buy old clothes and cut the hemlines so high to show off your legs, or ratty old sweaters that make you look so charming. There’s that combination of youth, style, and ratty clothes that just looks so fabulous. Smeared red lipstick to finish the look. Mmmm.

When you’re over-30 and still wearing thrift: you don’t look fabulous. You look poor.

It’s the truth.