The Brah-g

My friend Rachel Cohn has a funny name for writer’s blogs, she calls them the “brah-gs” because it seems we writers always toot our own horns when it comes to our accolades and have no shame in describing them in detail in our blogs I mean brah-gs: I’m on Tour! My Book is Out! I Got an Awesome Review! An Award! The Best Seller List! And on, and on, and on… You can see why I love Rachel so much. Acid wit goes a long way with me. And yes, blogs do tend to focus on the Up With Books news, which can get SO boring. You know?

But my problem right now is I. Dont. Feel. Like. Shopping.

Why is that? This is a terrible sign for the economy. I mean, I loooove to shop. Shopping is good for the soul! Terrible for the bank account but great for the soul. And right now I feel over-shopped. Like I spent too much money (Mike will definitely agree) and I can’t even conceive of buying anything. Or wanting to buy anything right now. Nothing is exciting. I mean, I would LOVE one of those new Herve Leger by Max Azria dresses that everyone is wearing right now, and also one of those Roland Mouret dresses too—right now I want sexy dresses that are tight but class-y. You know? Form-fitting but not a lot of skin exposure. And right now I want the body I had when I was 23 so I could wear them. My doctor tells me that I don’t have to return to my “ideal” weight. My “healthy” weight is enough for me for the rest of my life. But does healthy weight equal bondage dresses? I want to get back to fashion weight. If anything is going to make me diet, it’s a desire to wear new clothes. You know? Just like Karl Lagerfeld who was sick of being fat because he wanted to have the kind of body that could wear all those skinny skinny Hedi Slimane suits. I want a body that can wear a Leger. I’m pretty tired of all the blobby dresses in my closet. I’m feeling hourglass. I’m feeling skin-tight. I’m feeling…like I want to shop again! Hooray.