Dream-Casting the Series, Join the Committee!

Stumbled upon this on YouTube: Fans dream-casting the Blue Bloods series! So cool! Go here to see and join!

Also, I wanted to personally invite you to JOIN THE COMMITTEE!!

We are taking applications to join the Masquerade Ball planning committee. The Ball is scheduled for 7:30 PM on November 7, 2008 at the beautiful Scottsdale Civic Center Library in Scottsdale, Arizona. Join us in planning the party!

To join, email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) with the subject heading: “COMMITTEE APPLICATION”.

To join the committee, you must be based in Scottsdale or Phoenix, or able to travel to Scottsdale for the event.
Please include your full name, age, snail mail address, and the reason why you would like to join.

Can’t wait to meet you at the Ball!

xoxo
Mel

Sneak-Peek Is Out! Check your In-Box! Life Lessons, or what you can’t wear at 37

We’ve finally formatted the sneak-peeks for email. (All those pesky ASCII characters that come in like ?this? have been cleaned up.) And I’m happy to report that the highly anticipated sneak-peek at the first four chapters of REVELATIONS has finally been sent to my newsletter subscribers. Thanks to everyone for subscribing and I hope you enjoy the read!!

I can’t believe it’s already September, which means the book is only a month away from publication. Wow. Which means I am now writing the next one. And the cycle will resume again.

It’s been busy here at casa Blue Bloods, we’ve been working on lots of fun new stuff for the Blue Bloods faithful (that’s you, I hope) and hopefully we will have lots of very exciting news to report very soon.

As for me, as my twenty-seventh year approaches…actually, it’s my thirty-seventh year. Acccck. I thought I was *fine* with 37 until I actually looked at that cold, hard, number which means I am THREE FRACKING YEARS AWAY FROM FORTY. Bury me already! But enough of the I’m soooooo old moaning. I’m still young! I’m still cute! I’m still sexy!
Right? Riiiiiiight.

It’s weird. It’s actually just this year that I realized, I CAN NO LONGER WEAR SOME OF MY OUTFITS. Like, for the longest time, I used to do this camisole, under a cardigan or shawl-wrap or lacey sweater thing, over tight jeans and high heels. I never needed to wear like, a BRA or anything. And it was my go-to going-out sexy-sexy outfit. But I tried this outfit on the other day and….urgggh. Somehow it just doesn’t look right anymore. I need more coverage. There’s just too much SKIN revealing going on. I just didn’t feel comfortable in it like I used to.

Camisoles-as-outerwear: good-bye!

Oh girls, ENJOY it while you can… it’s crazy to realize one DOES age. Like…LUCKY. I have aged past LUCKY. I used to LOVE LUCKY Magazine. It was my favorite magazine because it was all about shopping and all the outfits were cute but still kind of funky. But now, the last three issues…I have not found ONE thing I want to buy from it. Everything just looks too….(arggggh) young!

So, Lucky: Adios!

What now? The good news is, you DO get better with age. You do stop buying things that don’t flatter you. I have learned the hard way that I look best in shift dresses and flats or long skinny trousers and heels. So I don’t tend to buy lots of things that don’t flatter me anymore. There’s this certain Boudicca jacket I bought at Barneys a few years ago that haunts me to this day. It was $1500 and I *had* to have it. But I have not worn it even ONCE. Why? Because it has these ENORMOUS puffed sleeves and all this fancy zippers and piping and when I put it on I look like I am part of a Star Trek/Ren Faire outing. It’s a total “WHAT WAS I THINKING?” outfit. In my youth when I was a fashion editor who specialized in the tres avant-garde, I could wear the most ridiculous and yet fabulous things and it would look, well, FAAHHBULOUS. I mean, c’mon I used to wear Bernhard Wilhelm! Bjork’s favorite designer! Need I say more.

But not anymore.

I have to dress preppier as I age. Because you really don’t want to look like an aging tomato. You want to aspire to Jackie O. gracefulness. Timeless instead of trendy. Sigh.

But still, it’s a good day. Sneak-peeks are out. And we’re off to buy my earrings today.

Toodles.

xoxo
Mel

One Million Hits, Happy Birthday to Me, Blue Bloods 3: Revelations FIRST CHAPTER Sneak Peek!

So – we have gotten the green-light FINALMENT! (That is “finally” to us Francophones. Yup me and my 1 on my AP French exam!) to release the first chapter on my blog.  As you can tell, I’m a bit giddy over here. First off, the blog has now gotten over one million hits! That is so coooool. I love big numbers. Supersize THIS, mo’fos! And it’s my birthday week. Just like Ashley Spencer, I think MY birthday is the most important thing in the…it’s just the most important thing period.

I’m not one of those people who WAIT to see if people will remember, let alone celebrate my birthday. Oh no. If I left it up to the gods, or my husband’s slightly dim memory, my birthday would go something like this. Finger-poke to husband’s side. “Um. It was my birthday yesterday.” Mike: “FRACK! It’s your birthday! Now I have to run out and get flowers, make reservations, buy jewelry! FRACK! I forgot! FRACK!” And he wouldn’t even apologize for forgetting. He’d just be mad that he now had to do all this running around and not even get credit for it because it’s a day late.

So to save us the marital heartache, three weeks before the day, I do a countdown. MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP. BEEP! BEEP! And so he is so well-trained that by now he’s gotten it down. Flowers? A spectacular bouquet from an avant-garde florist. (Red roses and babies breath are just SO dreary aren’t they?) Jewelry? This year I want diamond hoops, you know, the ones that are a carat and a half’s worth of bling on each lovely circular glittering band. I kind of also wanted just huge diamond rocks, because it’s so LA to wear a t-shirt, cargo pants and ROCKS. Like, yes, I am cas (casshh for casual) but I got it goin’ on: check out the five-figure earrings. But I saw this lovely pair of sizable diamond hoops which make me queasy with infatuation. You know you really have to have something if it gives you butterflies.

Anyway, why am I prattling on when the real reason you are all tuned in is for the sneak peeks. In the Filipino culture, when it’s your birthday you have to treat YOUR friends, not the other way around. So, herewith as my birthday gift to all of YOU is the first chapter of REVELATIONS. And I will be emailing the FIRST FOUR CHAPTERS to my email subscriber list. So if you’d like to read further: sign up here. The book is on sale October 28, 2008!

ONE

On an early and bitterly cold morning in late March, Schuyler Van Alen let herself inside the glass doors of the Duchesne School, feeling relieved as she walked into the soaring barrel-ceiling entryway dominated by an imposing John Singer Sargent portrait of the school’s founders. She kept the hood of her fur-trimmed parka over her thick dark hair, preferring anonymity rather than the casual greetings exchanged by other students.

It was odd to think of the school as a haven, an escape, a place she looked forward to going. For so long, Duchesne, with its shiny marble floors and sweeping vistas of Central Park, had been nothing less than a torture chamber. She had dreaded walking up the grand staircase, felt miserable in its inadequately heated classrooms, and even managed to despise the gorgeous terrazzo tiles in the refectory

At school Schuyler often felt ugly and invisible, although her deep-set blue eyes and delicate Dresden-doll features belied this. All her life, her well-heeled classmates had
treated her like a freak, an outcast—unwanted and untouchable. Even if her family was one of the oldest and most illustrious names in the city’s history, times had changed. The Van Alens, once a proud and prestigious clan, had shrunk and withered over the centuries, so that they were now practically extinct. Schuyler was one of the last.

For a while, Schuyler had hoped her grandfather’s return from exile would change that—that Lawrence’s presence in her life would mean she was no longer alone. But those hopes were dashed when Charles Force took her away from the shabby brownstone on Riverside Drive, the only home she had ever known.

“Are you going to move or do I have to do something about it?”

Schuyler started. She hadn’t noticed that she’d been standing in a daze in front of her locker and the one above it. The bells signaling the start of the day were clanging
wildly. Behind her stood Mimi Force, her new housemate.

No matter how out of place Schuyler felt at school, it was no comparison to the arctic freeze she weathered on a daily basis at the Forces’ grand town house across from the Metropolitan Museum. At Duchesne, she didn’t have to overhear Mimi grumbling about her every second of the day. Or at least it only happened every few hours. No wonder Duchesne felt so welcoming lately.

Even though Lawrence Van Alen was now Regis, head of the Blue Bloods, he had been powerless to stop the adoption process. The Code of the Vampires stipulated a strict adherence to human laws, to keep the Blue Bloods safe from unwanted scrutiny. In her last will and testament, Schuyler’s grandmother had declared her an emancipated minor, but in a wily move, Charles Force’s lawyers had contested its tenets in the Red Blood courts. The courts found in their favor, and Charles had been named the executor of the estate, winning Schuyler as part of the package.

“Well?” Mimi was still waiting.

“Oh. Uh. Sorry,” Schuyler said, grabbing a textbook and moving aside.

“Sorry is right,” Mimi narrowed her emerald green eyes and gave Schuyler a contemptuous look. The same look she’d given Schuyler across the dinner table last night, and the same look she’d given Schuyler when they’d bumped into each other in the hallway that morning. The look said: What are you doing here? You have no right to exist.

“What did I ever do to you?” Schuyler whispered, tucking a book into her worn canvas bag.

“You saved her life!”

Mimi glared at the striking redhead who had spoken.

Bliss Llewellyn, Texan transplant and former Mimi acolyte, glared back. Bliss’s cheeks were as red as her hair. “She saved your skin in Venice, and you don’t even have the decency to be grateful!” Once upon a time Bliss had been Mimi’s shadow, happy to follow her every directive, but a trust had broken between the two former friends since the last Silver Blood attack, when Mimi had been revealed as a willing, if ineffective, conspirator. Mimi had been condemned to burn, until Schuyler had come to her aid at the blood trial.

“She didn’t save my life. She merely told the truth. My life was never in danger,” Mimi replied as she ran a silver hairbrush through her fine hair.

“Ignore her,” Bliss told Schuyler.

Schuyler smiled, feeling braver now that she had backup. “It’s hard to do. It’s like pretending global warming doesn’t exist.” She would pay for that comment later, she knew. There would be pebbles in her breakfast cereal. Black tar on her sheets. Or the newest inconvenience—the disappearance of yet another of her swiftly dwindling possessions. Already she was missing her mother’s locket, her leather gloves, and a beloved dog-eared copy of Kafka’s The Trial, inscribed on the first page with the initials “J. F.”

Schuyler would be the first to admit that the second guest bedroom in the Forces’ mansion (the first remained reserved for visiting dignitaries) was hardly the cupboard under the stairs. Her room was beautifully decorated and sumptuously appointed with everything a girl could want: a four-poster queen-size bed with a pillowy duvet, closets full of designer clothes, a high-end entertainment center, dozens of toys for Beauty, her bloodhound, and a new featherlight MacBook Air. But if her new home was rich in material gifts, it lacked the charm of the old one.

She missed her old room, with its Mountain Dew–yellow walls and rickety desk. She missed the dusty shrouded living room. She missed Hattie and Julius, who had been with the family since she was an infant. She missed her grandfather, of course. But most of all, she missed her freedom

“You okay?” Bliss asked, nudging her. Schuyler had returned from Venice with a new address and an unexpected ally. While she and Bliss had always been friendly, now they were almost inseparable.

“Yeah. I’m used to it. I could take her in a cage fight.” Schuyler smiled. Seeing Bliss at school was one of the small reprieves of happiness that Duchesne afforded.

She took the winding back stairs, following the stream of people heading in the same direction, when out of the corner of her eye she saw the barest flicker and knew. It was him. She didn’t have to look to know he was among the crowd of students walking the opposite way. She could always sense him, as if her nerves were fine-tuned antennae receptors that picked up whenever he was near. Maybe it was the vampire in her, giving her the ability to tell when another was close by, or maybe it had nothing to do with her otherworldly powers at all.

Jack.

His eyes were focused straight ahead, as if he never even saw her, never registered her presence. His sleek blond hair, the same translucent shade as his sister’s, was slicked back from his proud forehead; and unlike the other boys around him, dressed in varying degrees of sloppiness, he looked regal in a blazer and tie. He was so handsome it was hard for Schuyler to breathe. But just as at the town house—Schuyler refused to call it home—Jack ignored her.

She snuck one more glance his way and then hurried up the stairs. Class had already started when she arrived. Schuyler tried to be as unobtrusive as possible as she walked, out of habit, toward the back seats by the window. Oliver Hazard-Perry was seated there, bent over his notebook.

But she caught herself just in time and moved across the room to sit next to the clanging radiator, without saying hello to her best friend.

Charles Force had made it clear: now that she was under his roof, she would have to follow his rules. The first rule was that Schuyler was forbidden to see her grandfather. The animosity between Charles and Lawrence ran deep, and not only because Lawrence had displaced Charles’s position in the Conclave.

“I don’t want him filling your head with lies,” Charles had told her. “He may rule the Coven, but he has no power in my house. If you disobey me, I promise you will regret it.”

The second rule of living at the Forces’ was that she was forbidden to associate with Oliver. Charles had been apoplectic when he’d discovered that Schuyler had made Oliver (her designated Conduit) her human familiar. “First of all, you are much too young. Secondly, it is anathema. Distasteful. Conduits are servants. They are not—they do not fulfill the services of familiars. You must take a new human immediately and sever all relations with this boy.”

If pressed, she would grudgingly admit that Charles was probably right. Oliver was her best friend, and she had marked him as her own, had taken his blood into hers, and there had been consequences to her actions. Sometimes she wished they could go back to the way they were before everything became so complicated.

Schuyler had no idea why Charles would care whom she made her familiar anyway, since the Forces had done away with the old-fashioned practice of keeping human Conduits. But she followed the rules to the letter. As far as anyone could see, she had absolutely no contact with Lawrence, and had refrained from performing the Sacred Kiss with Oliver.

There were so many things in her new life that she could and couldn’t do.

But there were some places where the rules did not apply. Somewhere that Charles had no power. Somewhere Schuyler could be free.

That’s what secret hiding places were for.


—————

Enjoy!

xoxo
Mel

My Idea of Vacation and My Fag Hag Crush

It was a really relackssssing week. No nanny, no housekeeper, just me, my husband, our kid in the beach house. We were lookin’ grotty. The kid’s hair was wild and unkempt as was the husband’s. I am trying to keep it together but the other day we trooped into the beachside diner we love (Mrs. Olson’s Coffee Hut which we have named Mrs. Olson’s Coffee The Hutt because we are cool like that) and Mike and I looked at each other and laughed. Mike was wearing raggedy surfshorts and a bleached-out t-shirt, the kid was wearing a stained elephant pajama top and undies, not even pants or shorts, over her diaper, and I was in a too-short minidress, no make-up and Crocs. We looked proto-homeless.

And who did we see at the diner? A bonafide celeb – at least in my book – and to those other Flipping Out fans out there- Ryan! Jeff’s Business Partner! With his partner, Dale and their daughter Chloe! (I recognized Chloe first.) I was SO excited. It took all of my former NYC cool to not jump over there and gush and say “Ohmahgawd, Ohmahgawd, I’m such a huge fan!” Because Ryan is SO NICE. I have a huge fag-hag crush on him. Swoon. Okay, I know, it’s a reality show. But it’s MY reality show.

Right then and there, I knew we were in the hottest place on the beach. Our beach is the “un-Malibu” according to the New York Times, even though the beach we’re on is called Hollywood Beach. But hey, Malibu can have the A-listers, I’m happy with my Bravo-listers.

For my vacation, I did the laundry. It was heaven. Yes, it’s part of my spoiled life that I do not cook, clean, or do the laundry. The first (cooking) I would like to do, but I found it was one of those things that just “had to go” when the baby and the big-ass deadlines started happening at the same time. Now I cook maybe once a week if we’re lucky. I like cooking, but I can’t do it regularly. I got used to just walking by the Gourmet Garage in New York, picking up the freshest things they had, and the best cheeses and meats and mustards (I mean, how precious is it that we were obsessed with our mustard? Ugh. We are such yuppies sometimes.), and then making dinner.

I just can’t get used to stocking the freezer and the pantry and then cooking from that. It’s way too suburban! And driving to the Bristol Farms (the only place we can find our fancy French mustard, and no it’s not Grey Poupon!) is not quite as convenient as walking down to the G. Garage. Sigh. Anyway, that is my long-winded excuse for why I do not cook anymore.

As for cleaning. Pffffft. I hate cleaning. The minute we could afford a housekeeper Mike and I stopped fighting (because he’s a cleaner. He’s a GREAT cleaner like my dad,  which is a lesson my mom (who also hates cleaning and yet has an immaculate house) taught me. When in doubt, marry a man WHO CAN CLEAN. Anyway, it would be great if Mike could clean the house—he actually enjoys it. But whatever time he has out of work is spent with the kid so the cleaning had to be out-sourced. Because there was no way *I* was going to do it.

But laundry—I actually enjoy doing laundry. I tried to hold on to that chore but a book would be due, and everything would start piling up, and we would run out of essentials, so I just gave up. So I was looking forward to doing the laundry on my vacation. I particularly love folding clothes. I think I should have worked at Benetton in my former life.

Anyway, hope everyone had a great Labor Day. Now it’s back to work!

xoxo
Mel

Ridiculously Happy

The other day we were at the beach, just a few steps away from the house, and everyone on the shore started going wild. We turned to look to see where everyone was pointing, and we saw it. DOLPHINS!

In the wild!

Jumping up and down on the waves!

Just twenty feet off the shore!

A few feet from our house!

We started yelling and waving and laughing, and picking up the kid and pointing and yelling some more.

DOLPHINS!

All of us had these huge, silly, ridiculously HAPPY grins on our faces. My husband, my kid, my sister, her family, a couple of friends who were visiting that weekend.

It was really, really cool. And we’re not even in Hawaii. I always used to think you had to travel all the way to the Aloha state, pay a couple hundred bucks to go on one of those private catamaran tours, to go see dolphins in the wild.

Turns out you can see them just off the California coast an hour away from the Hollywood Hills.

How awesome is that?

It’s been a mellow vacation. Today we took the kid to the Santa Barbara zoo. You know what’s the complete opposite of seeing dolphins in the wild? Elephants at the zoo. I have never seen a sadder animal. Sigh. It’s the Discovery Channel vacation over here.

xoxo
Mel

Masquerade Ball!!!

As reported here earlier, we are having a Masquerade Ball to celebrate the release of Revelations. The Scottsdale Public Library in beautiful sunny Arizona (I told you, I always sound like the Price is Right Host) is hosting it at the Civic Center location in downtown Scottsdale. The Ball is set for 7:30 PM on November 7th (Saturday). Come dressed as your favorite character from the series, meet me, and there will be music, dancing, and lots of fun treats. More information to come soon!

I’m also going on tour this October/November to promote Blue Bloods 3: Revelations and The Ashleys 4: Lipgloss Jungle. Tour schedule up soon!

It’s the dog days of summer, which is funny because here in SoCal (the birthplace of beach volleyball—and hello, how awesome is it to see Karch Kiraly back on TV? In high school, my sister and I had huge crushes on Karch and the men’s beach volleyball team, which I blame on our all-girls-school myopia. Boys were such exotic creatures back then), anyway, as I was saying, here in SoCal, it just feels like any other week… I miss the East Coast sometimes, I miss how intensely we held on to summer, knowing it was going to be gone soon and in a few months’ time we would be bundled up in our big sweaters and huge coats and throwing parties meant a mountain of coats and hats and scarves thrown over the bed to slink around in tank tops for a drink or two (or five to be perfectly honest) and then having to put it all back on again.

I miss Shelter Island, and how we used to take that Jitney for three hours, get to the end of the line, and then hop on a ferry. The ferry always made it so special, like we were being transported to a magical place, and how the island was so small and our house so close to the ferry we could walk there—our rolling suitcases going donk donk donk over the cobblestones.

But when I think about how LONG it used to take to get to the Hamptons—three hours?? Or more?? Pfffft. It takes us less than an hour to get to our beach house now. And it’s summer here for six months. It never rains from July to December. The other day it rained by the beach and we all went outside to look at it in wonder.

So even though I do miss the East Coast a lot, maybe I just miss my friends and colleagues, although I do think I just missed the sense of the place—of I don’t know how to put it more elegantly—OLDNESS. Here in LA, everything is so sparkly and new. There’s no sense of history, I guess, is what I’m missing.

But the other day I was driving down Santa Monica Boulevard in the luxury SUV and the sky was a clear, robins-egg blue and the palm trees were so pretty lined up against the boulevard, and I felt…happy. I felt that same feeling I used to get when I used to walk across Columbia’s campus and read the names on the buildings: Socrates, Aristotle, Homer, Herodotus—a feeling of being inspired and grateful to be in the right place at the right time. It’s that same feeling I used to get when I would walk on West End Avenue, at the very top of the hill, and the Hudson River framed between the buildings, just so beautiful. Well, it’s taken four LONG years in LA to feel that way, but I do feel that way now…

I love LA. I love how brash and vulgar and tacky it is, but also how mellow and easy it can be (because hey, it’s all good, it’s sunny, right?) and yet underlying it is that thrum of desperate ambition and social anxiety that fuels the whole scene. I love that we’re a bit outside of it enough not to be consumed by it, and yet close enough that Mike and I can laugh about all the inside things and feel smug like we know a little bit about how the town is run.

Right now I am obsessed with Desperate Housewives of the O.C., I think mostly because it shows a subject that I (and a lot of people) find inherently fascinating. Like: how far can your beauty take you? It’s so interesting to me that so many of those ladies were Playboy Playmates. And are doing well for themselves. This is just the opposite of what I and Mike know, since we come from families that stressed academic achievement (Mike’s brother is a rocket scientist at NASA) and all our friends are snooty intellectual Ivy League types. Of course, there’s always the beautiful socialite or beautiful girl from a good family who marries very high up into a, well, very very very good family, like some of the girls from my high school who went on to marry assorted heirs to brand-name fortunes. So I am well familiar with that type of beauty success story.

But I always thought that girls who doffed it all for skin mags ended up dead of an overdose or homeless and eating out of garbage cans and all those other tragic, lurid stories we hear so much about. But there’s Jeana, (one of the real housewives) who was like Miss November 1980, and god, she was GORRRRGEOUS back then. And her daughter is STUNNING. (All her kids are great-looking although the firstborn son, Shayne, is a total asshat.) And Jeana’s now Miss Real Estate Makes Her Own Money Lady, and she was going on the Playmate reunion with the other girls, and they were talking about how being Playmates was such a great experience for them, and how it was like being in a sorority and how it never hurt them at all.

And how about Laurie (another housewife) who was also some sort of Playmate and after some rough financial years is now marrying some nice, dorky, super-rich guy who has some sort of ranch and is generous with gifts of sportscars and Rolex watches.

It’s weird, you know? Because coasting on one’s looks is not an option for a lot of us, as cute as all of us are. And c’mon, we’re cute, we’re pretty. But there’s something about beauty—that whole—hair, eyes, figure, height, package that can get you things easily without having to sweat out that MBA. But I still think it’s luck and timing, you could so easily still end up in the garbage can since you have nothing to fall back on.

And beauty is just a genetic lottery. No matter how some people strive for it—no amount of plastic surgery is going to turn anyone into a supermodel. (I just heard they are finding Botox in people’s brains now. Ewww! And also: Dang. I’ve never ruled out the poison shot because hello, furrows! But now that news gives me pause.) Anyway, you are either born with it or not. And since a lot of us are not born to be 5’10” and 34D, then we might as well just hit the books. Because it’s a surer thing.

Real Housewives of the O.C. – as complex as a Flaubert novel! Not!! But still, great fun.

xoxo
Mel

Samplers are Gone!

They went like the wind. There are no more samplers. But we should have e-mail sneak peeks at least a month before Revelations is out. I still don’t have clearance to send them which is why you haven’t received them. I’m so sorry. But hopefully hopefully hopefully we will get the greenlight soon.

Not much to report: it’s summer, things are lazy even though I look at my TO-DO List and there are so many things on it. Like filling out applications for nursery school. The private-school smackdown begins for us this year. We’re already upset that we can’t even TOUR one of the schools on our list because we don’t know anyone whose kids go to that school. It’s all about who you know, even at twenty-one months. But that’s okay, that school is just strictly nursery. And the only reason we like that school is because the architecture and design is really fab. One of the parents is a well-known designer (hint: a judge on Top Design). But now we have our sights on bigger fish.

I’ve been going on studio meetings and all we talk about is the private school dance. It’s like a bonding experience, like surviving boot camp. Apparently a lot of people apply to fifteen FIFTEEN!! kindergartens. Which should give me nightmares but actually isn’t at all. Because I applied to TWENTY-ONE colleges. So I’ve been there. Yeah. TWENTY-ONE. My dad was really worried I wouldn’t get into one because I had this ridiculous math score. Okay, so the first time I took the math test, I got like, 300. Yup. 300. I think they give you 200 points for just dotting in your name, right? My dad was HORRIFIED. My dad is a math genius, so he just couldn’t understand how I could do that badly. Can I add that I got a perfect verbal score? 800? But that didn’t count. He thought schools would just dismiss me because of the total: 1100. They wouldn’t see the high verbal score, they’d just think I was totally average.

So I took the SATs SEVEN times, and my dad re-taught me algebra, and finally, finally, I pulled up my math score to 550. And with the perfect verbal score of 800, I got a decent 1350, which meant at least the Ivy colleges wouldn’t vomit all over my application when they got it.

But Pop was still worried, so he had me apply to all these schools that I had no intention of ever attending, and which were all—sorry to be so rude—safeties. I think I had FIFTEEN safety schools. I got into every one, with major scholarships. I think there was one school where if I went, my parents would not have to pay anything, and the school would even pay ME, a $5000 stipend every semester. And it was by the beach and super-laid back. My dad said, “Beach house, beach house, beach house.”

I was like, IN YOUR DREAMS, POP! I didn’t put nose-to-grindstone and have an awful time in high school just so I could graduate from Beach House U.

When I was a senior in high school, my dream school was Stanford. Because I grew up in San Francisco, Stanford was the ne plus ultra of schools. In California, it’s the most desired school. And I wanted an IN YOUR FACE school. Like, I got into Stanford, IN YOUR FACE, biatches!

But I didn’t get into Stanford. That was a really sad day.

And I didn’t get into Brown either. My second choice. Because um, no grades??? I was UP for that.

But I did get into Columbia, which was my other second choice because it’s in New York. And my college counselor said they would love me at Columbia and I would love it just as much. And hello: New York! Nightclubs! The Palladium! Andy Warhol! Hello! And they gave me an almost full-ride too. In fact, Columbia was the most generous of the Ivies my family has attended.

At Yale, when my dad’s check would be late or bounce, they would not give my sister her dorm keys or let her register. There was no such B.S. at Columbia, a friend of mine whose parents were going through a tough time financially was able to go three full years before the school finally said um, you have to pay us something. It probably came from how disorganized the financial aid office was, but I also like to think it was from the school’s deep-seated understanding of how not all of its students were swanning in with major trustfunds, which I think comes from the people who ran those offices, who mostly lived in Harlem and the Bronx. You know? New York is a tough town but it’s got a great heart.

At Columbia if you were a financial aid student, you could even get short-term CASH loans from the school to cover food and stuff. You would just fill out a form and they would give you cash!

Like manna from heaven.

I did love Columbia, and so many of the wonderful people in my life are from that school, my husband for one. And I probably would have hated Stanford since I loved Columbia so much. At Columbia there was the Art Suite and the Prose Kitchen and Hot Jazz and Champagne and if we didn’t want to do that we had all of New York at our feet. Meet you at the Sound Factory at 2AM! Every time I visited friends who went to Stanford they were playing Scrabble. Need I say more.

So you know, people: if you don’t get into your first choice, it’s not the end of the world. Really, so many things are not the end of the world in life.

Your top school didn’t take you? Not the end of the world. You’ll get in somewhere better for you. Your crush doesn’t crush you back? Not the end of the world. You’ll find a cuter guy who does. Your husband isn’t get getting you a Birkin for your birthday? ARMAGEDDON! Snarf. Just kidding. He already said he was getting it for me. But now I am wondering if I still want one. You know how they say the anticipation is sweeter than the thing itself. So we’ll see. I kind of like just wanting one. Once I do get one I’ll be so bored. Such is life.

So I’m trying to not get too crazy as we go through these nursery school rounds. Mattie will be fine. There are many great schools and she’ll be happy wherever she ends up.

And so will you. I know applications for college aren’t due till this December, right? But don’t stress so much. And if you don’t get into your first choice, like one of my dearest friends Garret who didn’t get into Stanford and had to go to Columbia, you can always transfer to Stanford your junior year (like the traitor he was!) and then go back and visit all your friends at Columbia every semester and get homesick for New York and then end up at Columbia Law School anyway. I’m jus’ sayin’.

xoxo
Mel

The Samplers are in the Mail, Finally!

Phew! The last two days have turned my mom’s house into a full-on mailing center. I didn’t realize when I decided to run this poetry contest it would entail so much…excel spreadsheets, mail merge, labeling, stuffing and dragging everything to the post office where everything had to be stamped BY HAND. But it’s all good, thanks to my little brother (Thanks Chit!!) who was the mastermind of the whole operation (suffice to say I’m no organizational genius), especially since when I said we’d ship internationally, I meant it, and we were so thrilled to see so many of my readers from Dubai, Ireland, Scotland, Singapore, Argentina, France, Australia and New Zealand enter the contest! And all the Americans too—it’s amazing to see where you guys are from, to think that people are reading the books in places I have never been, touches me to no end.

Turned out we had about a hundred extra samplers, so everyone who emailed their address also received a sampler. (Even some of the late stragglers). And we still have thirty samplers left, that’s it, no more after that, so the first thirty people who email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) with their mailing address will also receive a sampler.

So look for the packages in your in-box soon. I also autographed all the samplers. My signature might look wobbly in some of the books since I got a little hand-cramp but have no doubt that I personally signed each one.

The beach was nooooice and we go back this weekend and then spending the rest of August in the beach house. I’m reading my new BFF, Jen Lancaster, who wrote Bitter is the New Black; Bright Lights, Big Ass; and Such a Pretty Fat. She’s heeeelarious and good company by the pool. Her first book is about how she dealt with the crash of 2001, when everyone was laid off, including her and her husband, and how they had to go from their dot-com money loft to being evicted from a ghetto apartment. I could totally relate to her story because Mike and I also had a hard 2001, when we were both laid off from jobs that year, and it was so hard to be suddenly struggling after being “thousandaires” as Jen calls it.

We never had a dot-com loft, but I did have a cushy job at Morgan Stanley during the boom, and when that ended it was really really difficult but it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Sure, it’s stressful and a downer not to be able to shop, and to feel like you’re on the downside of the fabled American dream, but what I remember most from that time is the solidarity with our friends, many of whom were going through the same thing, all of us on unemployment checks, and how we would all just laugh about it over drinks at seedy bars in the East Village, looking for the cheapest sushi places available, and really… just laughing through the gloom. Because really awful things happened that year too, and losing your job (I think between Mike and I we were laid off from seven jobs that year – we were always lucky enough to get another one, but then that company would fold too, or projects wouldn’t happen) didn’t matter so much since we still had each other, our families, our friends, which is really what counts in life, right? Birkin bags are just icing.

I also bought the new Laurie Notaro book, and Chelsea Handler’s first book, My Horizontal Life. It’s all about funny ladies this August.

xoxo
Mel

Interview about Crazy Hot

I did an interview with the enchanting Lisa of Enchanting Reviews.

I turned in my book and we are off to the beach. Happy weekend!

xoxo
Mel

I kissed a girl…

And I liked it!
Taste of her cherry chapstick…
I kissed a girl just to try it!
Hope my boyfriend don’t mind it…

This song is stuck in my head, and you can imagine me driving my Mercedes SUV (yeah shut up, my commute is within my own house from bed to desk and I fill up the tank like, once a month!) singing this song at the top of my lungs. And then when I meet up with my girlfriends (all of us now daaangerously in the Sex and the City age. Which is we are all in our thirties. How did this happen??? It is just WRONG) anyway when we get together, we sing this song to each other in high-pitched voices and squeallll…

Yes, that is how much fun hanging out with me can be…

I am forever thirteen, although it’s SO much more fun to be thirteen going on thirty than my real thirteenth year. See prior post: K-mart togs. Need I say more.

Although lately I am FUGLY. Ugh. Which means it is book deadline time. Does anyone still read Piers Anthony? Remember how Chameleon would go from gorgeous and stupid to smart and ugly? And she was best when she was moderately pretty and reasonably smart? I’m kind of in the smart and ugly phase as I’m trying desperately to finish my book so I can go on vacaaation.

My dad says because I work from home my life is a vacation. Which is sort of true. But even if one works for themselves like Mike and I do, we still need vacations once in a while. And once you work for yourself you never stop working anyway…

Speaking of, I should go back to work. Think: beach house, beach house, beach house. If I turn in the book on Thursday we can go to our beach house on Friday.

It felt so wrong,
It felt so right,
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight….

I KISSED A GIRL!

You should too. Just to try it. 🙂

xoxo
Mel

PS- I know, I know, sneak peeks have not yet gone out. I have not yet gotten the greenlight from my publisher. Also, the cover that’s been released on Amazon is not the final one. We’re still tweaking it although it is VERY close to the final one. As for the sneak-peeks. Patience my friends. Just like that old G&R song says. Paaaayyyyytienceeeee….