Getting It Off My Chest

Oh my god. I miss my boobs. Not that I had any before–and those are the ones I miss. The small ones. You know what breastfeeding does to your boobs? It makes them grow. But not in a good way. AT ALL. The worst is that I look AWFUL in my clothes. Clothes, I have come to realize, are designed for those with small chests (that was me!!!!) and nothing looks good with big boobs.

Not that mine are even big!!! They are just bigger, and there lies the problem.  I wear trapeze dresses and I look fat. I wear my tiny little Marni tops and they just look ridiculous. I am really upset. I want my boobs to go DOWN. Go back to their former pre-mommy size. PLEASE! Of course, I’m still breastfeeding and apparently once you stop you don’t get your old boobs back. No, you get some kind of weird tube-sock thing where they just HANG. Yoiks!!

I’m hoping it won’t be that bad. Even then, I’d rather have flat-tire boobs than the ones I have now.

Why does everyone want big boobs? That’s all you hear–the stars get them pumped, and even I used to have boob-envy. But no more. Now I know better.

Fashion and boobs don’t go together. And it’s not like I’m going to stop shopping anytime soon!

Do boys like bigger boobs? Is it because boys are boobs? LOL. All I know is I dress for other women. Like at the Tweety party, Karen wore Zac Posen and carried a fabu Celestina clutch and she said "I wore it for you." And I wore Marni and my Lanvin bag and she said, "Oooh! I know you wore this for me!" Only women can appreciate fashion. Men? Not so much.